I was only seventeen
Breaking out onto the scene
People said I was too small
But I was gonna show them all
I’d fight my way up through the ranks
Without one word of praise or thanks
But Doc said he would take me far
He said “Stick with me kid, you’ll be a star.”

Training in my pink sweatsuit
For me the crowd began to root
Glass Joe fell with just one punch
Von Kaiser's bones I felt go crunch
Piston Honda was all talk
I moved too quick for him to block
Flamenco was a sissy boy
Every foe I met I did destroy

Hippo lost, he was too fat
That Tiger guy spun off the mat
I stopped Bald Bull in his tracks
And Soda drank too many six-packs
Sandman he went right to sleep
And Super Macho Man did weep
Running hard behind Doc’s bike
I fought my way right up to Iron Mike

Then Doc he told me that I’d be needing something more
Something to make me stronger than I’d been before
He took me to a place where the chicks are cheap and the drugs are free
I walked right in
Stuck the needle in my skin
Now I’m out of luck
I never should have joined...

The Nintendo Fun Club

The drugs Doc gave me made me tough
But still it just was not enough
I held strong till the second round
Then Tyson beat me to the ground
He cracked my teeth and bit my ear
So I went to get more cream and clear
I vowed there’d be another fight
Only this time Mike would surely feel my bite

But that rematch never came
And I would never be the same
I took too much, I took too fast
My fighting days were in the past
I tore my groin and ripped my calf
My testicles, they shrunk in half
I knew that I had lost my health
But hey at least I still had all that wealth

Then Doc he stole from me everything that I had earned
He left me with nothing but a pair of gloves and a lesson learned
Now that I’m old and broke, I’ve only one thing left to say
To reach your goal
Don’t you trust another soul
Lay off the drugs
And never, ever join...

The Nintendo Fun Club